It took me 17 years to leave a career that was destroying my health and killing my vitality because of my deep rooted fears I couldn’t do anything else ,or I wasn’t ‘good enough’ to achieve my dreams of writing, coaching and inspiring others.
With my childhood background I believed where I’d reached in my career was all I was worth. I felt I should be ‘grateful’! I didn’t believe fantastic opportunities and creative living could apply to someone like me.
Many of you also long to change your lives, but hold back because of your own unconscious deep rooted fears.
If you consistently hear yourself make excuses such as ‘I don’t have time’, ‘and I don’t have the money’, or you’re a serial procrastinator, finding everything and anything to do rather than take action towards achieving your dreams, then it’s highly likely you’re self-sabotaging and living from a fear based mind-set.
If this is you and you’re done with living in fear, never realising your dreams, standing on the side-lines watching while others seemingly get everything they want, then you need to face your fears.
The biggest aspect of change is simply putting yourself out there, being prepared to feel uncomfortable physically and emotionally.
Having said that, below are 5 small mind-set changes you can make to help soften the process.
You can start by doing the following:
1) Get super clear on your dreams and aspirations. Then have an honest conversation with yourself about whether you’re working towards them or not. If you’re not, then ask yourself why and pay attention to the answers. If you’re making excuses such as I don’t have time or I don’t have money, then your living in fear. Both time and money can be found when the desire is strong enough. As Tony Robbins famously says, “it’s not your lack of resource which holds you back,
it’s your lack resourcefulness”.
2) Learn to let go of what other people may think of you. One of people’s biggest blocks are around what others think of them. They’re afraid of being judged. But here’s the thing, feeling judged usually means you’re just judging yourself. Let judgment go. There’s no time for it, your life’s too short.
3) Accept and surrender. You can’t control everything and you have to be prepared to take the rough with the smooth if you’re ever going to change your life. It’s going to be uncomfortable, accept it.
It’s going to feel like a roller coaster ride, sometimes exhilarating and sometimes terrifying. Things will go right things will go wrong, and that’s ok. Learning to accept what comes your way, and make changes where you can, surrendering where you can’t will strengthen your confidence and your motivation, keeping you moving forward. You’ll learn to appreciate the journey and realise as long as you’re committed to learning and growing, there’s no destination and that’s a beautiful thing.
4) Establish a desensitization program. If you’re unsure what that is, or struggle to get past the primal brain to do this, then get a good coach who can help you, one that knows about anxiety, fear and rewiring the brain. If you’re confident you can do this alone, simply start by exposing yourself little by little to the problem areas. I have a fantastic work sheet that helps you do this over in the She Can Have It All Facebook community. You can link to that here.
5) Develop a reflection practice every day, sometimes twice per day if ‘it’s possible.
To make change you need to be constantly reflecting on what’s working, what’s not and how it’s all making you feel, good and bad. Having this self-analysis process will help you get to know yourself a little better and make it possible for you to shine the light on your self-sabotaging patterns and behaviours, so you can manage and break them. It’s also a great way to keep a record of how far you’ve come to keep your motivation going during the tough times.
Change Can Be Tough but A Coach Can Help
Change can be terrifying and for good reason. The above are just five simple things that can reframe your thinking and help you push past your self-sabotaging patterns, but know to make deep and lasting change takes time. It’s not something that’s going to happen overnight, no matter what anyone tells you.
To make the deep and lasting change you long for you should consider getting a coach who can be a mirror to your shadow, hold you accountable to your goals, and help you bust through your limiting self-beliefs and self-sabotaging patterns.
Disclaimer, choose your coach carefully! There’s so many out there and not all are qualified! Make sure you’re spending time researching and using your free discovery call (which all coaches offer), to really establish if there’s a connection and learn if they can help you reach your goals. Taking the time to find the right coach for makes all the difference, and once you do find the right coach, the changes in your life can be profound and absolutely worth the investment.